Ramble for December 28

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It has been forever since I posted over a month... It was not intentional! Life kinda happened and got in the way. I got a job at Borders so I have been working a lot. Christmas happened and it was fun :) Being broke got in the way too and getting bummed out but still trying to make life good for the kids. Now I have pink eye and a sinus infection :P I hate being sick yet I get sick all the time. I work tonight until 11pm.... Fun times... I do love Borders though, it is one of my favorite stores because I am a bookworm :) I love reading it is a way for me to use my imagination besides just creating. I get to read other's creations. My favorite books out of the thousands I have read (literally, I am not joking) Stephen King's Gunslinger series, Brian Jacques' Redwall series, Harry Potter series, and many others. I have been reading since I was very young and I haven't stopped since. Reading was a way for me to cope with my horrible life as a child, I could lose myself in a world where people fought evil and were good, where there were princesses and where there was love.
This picture is from when Chloe my daughter was just 9 days old and that is my son Kacey who is seven. They make my heart ache :) They represent everything that I wanted always to change about my family and I know I am changing it by raising them the way that I am, with honesty, respect, and lots of love. I never deny them a hug or a kiss :)
Something else that happened in that time... I found my sister and brother whom I haven't seen in over ten years, since they were 6 and 4. They are now 17, and 15. It was awesome!!! They are amazing kids and I am so proud of how they have grown up. We all have the same mother but different fathers... My mother was not a very good mother, she had and has unresolved mental illness issues and that caused her to be emotionally neglectful as a a mother. I was never told by her that she loved me, she never played with me or hugged me or kissed me. She pretty much made sure I was physically taken care of. So needless to say we all have turned out well despite having been raised by her for some part of our lives.
The last time I saw her was about 4 or 5 years ago, right before I met Demon. It was Christmas and I was going to see her... As usual it was awkward as hell, I literally felt like I was talking to an acquaintance, someone whom I knew but not very well. She was very upset because Kacey who was 2 or 3 at the time didn't come up to her, well he didn't know her so obviously he wouldn't. She turned around and walked away from us and didn't talk to me the rest of the night. I decided after that I was cutting her out of my life because it was a lost cause. The little girl part of me wants so bad to be able to say, "Oh, my mom! I LOVE her, she is awesome, like my best friend!" But that is not reality... It sucks, but I have always had positive people in my life to help not feel that. But like I told Demon, I will grieve not having a relationship with my mother for the rest of my life. Therapy has helped so much.
The other picture is of my grandmother and my sister and I, we (my sister and I) were raised by my Dad and his parents primarily occasionally we saw my mom. My other brother and sister were raised by her primarily until she lost custody to the state 10 years ago. My grandmother pictured above was for all intensive purposes, my mother. She was the one who told me she loved me, gave me hugs, and taught what it means to love someone unconditionally. She also taught me to cook and told me I could be anything I wanted to be. She was amazing :) She passed away when I was 14, right around the time my mother returned into my life...
How I haven't been on Oprah... I have no idea. But anyway... more about my life later on.. What a post :)
So... that is my LONG winded ramble for the week :)